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Friday, January 4, 2008
The Posedown - NFL Playoffs Week 1
Last Week
Bill 7-9
Van 10-6
Regular Season
Bill – 152-98
Van 159 - 91
Just be glad that you didn’t bet me another beer on who would win the regular season, bunky, or you’d be calling Pete Coors for a little help right about now.
Oh, and always remember: unless you’re the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
Before moving on to the utter slapstick that is our pre-season picks, I would like to remind our faithful readers that Bill and I aren’t the only idiots who look this stupid 17 weeks later. None other than football writer and Hall of Fame voter Paul Zimmerman, a/k/a Dr. Z, has posted his pre-season predictions alongside the actual finishes of the teams in question...and he ain’t close neither. (Uh, that’s kinda my way to justify the mess that follows...yeesh.)
NFC East
Bill’s Pick: Philadelphia Eagles
Van’s Pick: Dallas Cowboys
Words That One Of Us Surely Regrets Today: (from Bill) “In this world of uncertainty, Andy Reid and Donovan McNabb trump Wade Phillips and Tony Romo.”
Dude, that’s just funny. I’d pound on you more, but full disclosure demands that I rat myself out very shortly...
Bill: That quote was taken out of context. Hang on, I am trying to imagine a context in which it might have been an OK thing to say. Umm…pass.
NFC North
Bill’s Pick: Chicago Bears
Van’s Pick: Chicago Bears
Words That One Of Us Surely Regrets Today: (from me) “As for the Bears, that assault-with-intent defense faces Jon Kitna, Brett Favre, and Tavaris Jackson six times this season…that’s like a million interceptions or something.”
That’s only a smidgen of the seriously wrong man-love that I had for my beloved Bears before the season began. I can take some small comfort in knowing that I was joined by just about every competent football forecaster in creation, but this team fell apart quicker than an alibi on CSI – Miami.
Bill: Umm…pass.
NFC South
Bill’s Pick: Carolina Panthers
Van’s Pick: New Orleans Saints
Words That One Of Us Surely Regrets Today: (from Bill) “Carolina has better depth and a better defense...”
Ouch.
MORE Words That One Of Us Surely Regrets Today: (from me) “They (the Saints) have the best offense in the NFC, bar none...”
Very ouch.
Bill: Hey, reader! Yeah, you! Don’t look at that. Look at this. Right over here. Look at the puppet. What a great puppet. Look what it can do.
NFC West
Bill’s Pick: San Francisco 49ers
Van’s Pick: San Francisco 49ers
Words That One Of Us Surely Regrets Today: (from me) “Alex Smith is poised on the edge of greatness.”
Yeah, Bill, you picked ‘em too. A pair of geniuses, that’s what we are, a pair of stinkin’ geniuses.
Bill: Be sure to click here to check out our relatively sage AFC picks. No, not there, here.
NFC Wildcard #1
Bill’s Pick: New Orleans Saints
Van’s Pick: Carolina Panthers
Words That One Of Us Surely Regrets Today: (from me) “They’ll easily make the playoffs in the talent-depleted NFC...”
This is just brutal. They pulled 100-year-old Vinny By-God Testaverde off the couch in Jersey and he was already better than any QBs on the roster after Jake Delhomme went down. And the defense still ranked near the bottom. I shoulda believed what I was seeing.
Bill: New Orleans was not a completely embarrassing pick for either of us (assuming nobody remembers my dogmatic insistence that they would win a game when it looked like they would not), but Carolina…ugh.
NFC Wildcard #2
Bill’s Pick: Dallas Cowboys
Van’s Pick: Philadelphia Eagles
Words That One Of Us Surely Regrets Today: (from me) “...but you can bank this: if Philly doesn’t win the division, they get the wild card.”
This quote probably does more to explain why I’m perpetually broke than any other evidence I could offer.
Bill: You picked the Eagles? What a tool. No. Don’t scroll back up. Click here.
So, now that you have ample reason NOT to trust me, even though I stomped a mudhole in Bill’s chest during the regular season, I humbly offer my picks for the first weekend of action in the NFC Playoffs. (deep breath...)
Washington @ Seattle
Bill’s Pick: Washington
Van’s Pick: Washington
What is there not to love about the Redskins and the decisive manner in which they have responded to the tragedy of Sean Taylor’s untimely death? The defense has stiffened considerably, Todd Collins is a marked improvement over Jason Campbell, the running game is rock-solid, and the fog has cleared for Joe Gibbs. Meanwhile, Seattle remains, in the words of my sister Ellen, “a hot mess.” I don’t care how long Matt Hasselbeck sat for, no defense in history should have given up 44 points...AT HOME...to this season’s Falcons. That is beyond inexcusable.
Bill: I believe I am sufficiently on record as hating the Seahawks. Now that I think about it, I don’t like the Redskins much, either. I have been listening to the experts slobber over the Seahawks’ defense because they can rush the passer, as though covering guys or stopping the run was nothing more than a frivolous pastime. That is where the Redskins win this – with their D. And is it possible that Todd Collins is the best quarterback in this game?
NY Giants @ Tampa Bay
Bill’s Pick: The Giants
Van’s Pick: Tampa Bay
Do not be fooled by last week’s Eli Manning sighting. I will keep saying it, that guy is the east coast version of Rex Grossman: you’ll get one great game out of him, the kind that makes you think he’s finally getting it, and then three utterly miserable ones in sequence. Eli won’t be alone in mucking things up; it sez so right here that Brandon “Faux Injury” Jacobs will also be one of the culprits of this loss. And no, I still don’t see how Tampa Bay won this division, but watch Earnest Graham keep the Giant pass rush honest long enough for Jeff Garcia to dink-and-dunk them to sleep.
Bill: Hell, I obviously don’t know anything about the NFC. I was like 3-42 picking Bucs games this year, which would be a mathematically awesome feat except that I also picked the Bears and Panthers to go to the playoffs. We hate what we do not understand, and I obviously don’t understand Tampa. Jeff Garcia can put up any numbers he wants, make any number of plays, and I still do not think he can play football. He makes the game look really hard. The Giants have lots and lots of talent, and as soon as they man up just a little, they will win consistently. Maybe this week.
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